Did I see you cover your mouth with a hand while coughing? You're nicked, chummy

What a beguiling and wonderful land we live in. Michael Mancini, 39, is up before the Sheriff for refusing to pay a fixed penalty notice administered by Strathclyde police (motto: there's bin a murdah).
A report has been sent to the local 'fiscal demanding action against the woeful Mancini.
His crime? Willfully and knowingly within sight of the po-lice blowing his nose at the wheel of a vehicle contrary to section two of the Culloden and McBeth act 1476.
Well it certainly can't be found in the Road Traffic Act. Even under the part that demands we be in control of our vehicles, which is what McPlod wrote on the ticket. Not considering the poor man's handbrake was on at the time.
Any more madness? Yes, it took four Taggarts to detect this heinous crime.
What was that film with Billy Connolly and the dog? Oh yes, Deacon Brodie, Scottish law at its best. Only in real time they would have hanged the dog, too.
I reckon there are locker room sweeps taking place across the land, a shiny sovereign to the rozzer who can come up with the most outlandish reason for booking a motorist.
We have been through the eating crisps at the wheel, grievous bodily swigging at traffic lights and unlawful possession of a Kit-Kat with intent to supply.
It is only a matter of time before someone picking their nose is charged with reversing up a one way orifice.
Or a back seat conception is investigated as failure to report an accident.
Any chance of a few actions being brought for failure to engage brain while in possession of a driving licence?
Let's leave the last word with Mr Mancini who runs a furniture restoration business in Ayr: "I needed to blow my nose so I put my handbrake on and took the car out of gear.
I noticed four police officers, but I didn't think anything of it. Then one of them waved me over.
"I was stunned when he said I was getting a fixed penalty notice for not being in control of my car. I'm really angry. I made sure it was safe to blow my nose."
Brings a whole new meaning to congestion charging.