All at sea spending the roads budget

By Steve Orme on Nov 18, 09 12:51 PM

A friend recently applied for permission to build a canal marina. Immediately a man who lived near the site objected. Clearly it was unacceptable to have gaily painted narrowboats at the bottom of his garden, something of a surprise considering his house is called Lock Cottage and one wet day is likely to relocate to the next county.

Needless to say one objection brought forth others and soon rent an objector was experiencing a splendid upturn in business what with the recession affecting all manner of home extension plans and the like.

So we got a site visit. A rejection of the plan and ultimately a failed appeal on the grounds than narrowboats are an unacceptable intrusion near a canal. Certainly it is this sort of thinking that has made Britain world leader in kennel hygiene.
The news was not all bad for those of us keen to see our taxes wasted on exciting initiatives. While inspecting the site councillors noticed a 90 foot length of footpath was below the standard of Euro directive 213/5-23 walkways (France excluded, naturalment).
And so today I remain on landlocked holiday while my lane is blocked off for the purpose of making life ever so slightly more level for the half-dozen green and purple ramblists making their way to exercise the right to crumpets by your fireside each weekend.
I can only assume these are people prone to vestibular disease and unable to stay upright on anything less than the green baize of a snooker table.
And therein lies a deeper malaise. I seem to spend an inordinately large amount of time at temporary traffic lights that have been programmed by Co-Co the clown. With the exception of the inevitable new Tesco stores, most of the time this is to turn large strips of road bright red or install cycle ways for people who love to tour the countryside dressed as high visibility condoms.
In the meantime other huge chunks of the 68p roads budget has been spent on equipping an army of Noddy bobbies with black and yellow 4x4s and a splendid array of stiff-bristled brooms.
Please, can anyone tell me how life for the motorists was any worse when the AA was first to the scene of a burst tyre and the police were dealing with more serious incidents? It is what we pay them for.
Locally, once more, the speed limit near a primary school was reduced, sensibly, to 20mph. This, however, was supported by speed humps that would challenge Ranulph Fiennes. six weeks later thy were reduced by half after a flurry of claims for damage to vehicles and a note from the emergency services pointing out that a stubbed toe could so easily become a spinal injury traversing these urban Alps.
The thing is that while a wider motorway is an excellent idea, a new bus lane is utterly pointless except as a blood pressure stimulus. Please spend money on roads but make it money well spent.
Not that I expect to see such a sunny day dawn. Probably better to move to Calais and give two fingers to the Town and Country Planning Act from the comfort of your own blockade.