September 2009 Archives

Popular music pundit, talent scout and accomplished tinkler, Jools Holland is such a wag.
He recently popped into the national Motor Museum, Beaulieu, to check his position on the Top Gear fastest lap board.

You know, you can wait a long time for a prime minister to come along. Then two turn up at once.
In a hall adjacent to the Labour Party conference both Gordon Brown and, according to that thrusting political commentator Mr Bean, the man who would be king, Peter Mandelson, vied for attention around the soon to be born Vauxhall Ampera.

Vauxhall Motors, that burgeoning car maker with bags of time on its hands and no worries as recession bites like a dunny spider, has discovered Leeds.
You know, oop north.

I suppose it had to happen. Someone would find the scrappage scheme disadvantaged some small corner of the motoring 'community'

Yes, step forward those teenage tearaways, the vanguard motoring's future. Good God, this is terrible. Because the scrappage scheme is taking so much low-grade metal out of the market they can't even afford one. An old Vanguard, I mean.

I would like to start with an apology.

To anyone recently frustrated behind a silver blue Honda with Insight Challenge and some Bankseyeque artwork on the side, sorry.

In the interests of miles per gallon glory I became as popular as a virus, making quite a few people jolly cross into the bargain, judging by hate postings on the anti-social networking site, Shut Your Facebook.

There is to be a splendid Department for Transport pilot scheme to encourage cycling by allowing bicyclists to travel the wrong way up one way streets in Kensington*.

A small plaque attached to no entry signs will say 'except cycles.'

Good morning BFPO Frankfurt. How are things in the Rhineland?

Due to strategic commitments at HQ I am forced to follow events through dispatches but it all sounds jolly conceptual.

Cast your mind back to the halcyon days of junior school. The conkers, snowballing and that boy who would never join in, preferring to stand, slightly moist, by the railings contemplating his usually embarrassing shoes.

On wet days with no ollies to play or insects to persecute, he would become an interesting diversion, being punished for his reluctance via the exciting and mind expanding medium of the Chinese burn.

You may, but I really don't, care if the Phoenix four made enough money out of ownership of MG-Rover to have their cats teeth diamond studded and swimming pools regularly filled with Moet.
Frankly, I wouldn't be interested had they bought matching gilded knickers for their wives and been transported around the Midlands in Sedan chairs carried by Nubian eunuchs.

Not that you will be interested but by way of explanation I'm in the market for a new terrier which is how we came to wash up at Patterdale Dog Day over the bank holiday in a Vauxhall Insignia Sports Tourer.
Yes this is Insignia part two, after the less than exciting saloon.