Young, gifted and absolute agony for the over 50s- Twingo 133 Cup road test

Obviously I would have needed some policies but given the mood of the nation may have got away with the one that accompanied my pet insurance.
In the first instance I had planned to have speed traps introduced for cyclists but Dorset Police officers, amid fears for the mackerel community, are already gunning riders on Bournemouth beach front riding at as much as 16mph .
Electric cars would have been outlawed except where transporting milk or giving Magic Micky rides at Disneyland but as the only one that's remotely any good costs £98k, this is hardly a popularist stand.
So far as I can see I was the only candidate who would do anything about caravans, having them painted day-glo pink simply for the hell of it. Then I watched a programme about D-Day and how field marshal Bernard Montgomery gave Eisenhower what for in, of all places, his caravan.
I can see this clearly. Monty standing, like my grandmother, in a pinny waving a wooden spoon towards the door to the chemical loo while laying down the law on how it was to be used for number ones only, anything of higher denomination being banished to locations much further from base camp.
Well that was it. Clearly without caravanners I would be writing about Kubelwagens.
Leaving me with just one sure-fire vote winner: Fix Our Roads or FOR.
This, you must concede, has a certain ring to it.
What are we for? FOR.
What's more than three? FOR.
And less than five? FOR.
Tee shot sliced? FOR.
I can see you are with me on this one.
To impress the urgent need for road repairs I propose trips at moderate speed for council officials in RenaultSport Twingo 133s. With the Cup chassis.
In its everyday guise theTwingo is about as exciting as the House of Lords. The133, however, has felt the icy spanner of the boys in the sport bunker where le alchemy has produced such rare metal as the brilliant Clio 197 and the faintly bonkers Megane R26.
To ensure the result is driving enjoyment and not hospital food, the 133 is wider than the stock Twingo and Cup chassis and suspension rock hard.
One look tells you this is a case where youth is not wasted on the young. Spoiler, extended sills and arches and 17" alloys can be added to from a graphics pack which oddly includes Union Flags and St George crosses. For the older among us a replacement spine option would be nice.
If you could saddle a mad cat this is what the ride would be like. Revved up, squirty and flat to the floor, no roll no understeer. With no turbo it needs kicking hard but clip the red line and the 133 even gives you a green light thumbs up.
And if Gordon Brown has this much grip they will never rid of him.
Pulling all this along is a 1.6-litre four-pot engine which I think reached 60 in 8.7 seconds but I was a bit distracted pulling my head out of the roof lining. I would settle for the smoother non-Cup chassis. But then to this target market I am technicaly dead.
Given all this it's no bad thing that the longest list is for passive safety featues, ABS, ESP, air bags, sports steering and the latest head restraints.
Inside? Well actually there isn't much of an inside. A leather steering wheel and shiny pedals sports seats, in your face rev counter, CD radio, digital speedo and a gear change reminder light. Oh, and a parking ticket holder. But the inside is not exactly the point, is it?
Cost? £12,600 to buy, band D to tax and 40mpg at the pumps.
The lads at RenaultSport should stand for election. My vote's in the bag. I suggest they call themseves the Monster Raving Hatchback party.