Toyota Urban Cruiser road test - half man half biscuit

By Steve Orme on Jun 30, 09 09:37 AM

Motoring surveys, I find, are usually either a shameless attempt to get free publicity for a search engine or pointless comparisons of regional personal motoring hygiene.

I have variously been told that you will find the most filthy footwells in Netherhamptonwallop and that as many as 90% of people really are people while the remaining 10% claim to be biscuit-human hybrids from Pontefract.

However some surveys are simply bonkers. And those we like.
Thanks to one of these I can spring upon you the news that there is a new type of driver on the road - the 'petrosexual.'
Now my immediate reaction is that this is made up as surely as anything by Hans Anderson. But at the same time it is stimulating to be expected to believe 24% of Mini drivers have muddy wellies in the boot and that Don't Stop Me Now by Queen is the most popular driving record. Oh yeah? And what about the Birdy Song?
Women with French cars are most likely to name their vehicle. So that's Roger the Renault if that sort of thing interests you while, inevitably, there is an undergarment theme with female BMW drivers over 45 are most likely to wear sexy smalls while 8% of older male drivers wear no pants at all.
These people, and I haven't a clue why, are the very embodiment of petrosexual life and don't give a fig what make of car they drive, it's all about lifestyle and doing the right thing.
Barometric proof positive is given as Wayne Rooney swapping his Merc for a sensible-dad Audi Avant when Colleen told him she was in the club. Well I'll tell you this, the day Mr Rooney becomes synonymous with the man on the Clapham omnibus is the day I move to the Pitcairn Islands.
This argument takes us back to the days of our parents who bought a Mini because it was small, a Maxi because it was big or a Marina because they were dropped on the head as a child.
Such new thinking bodes well for the Toyota Urban Cruiser VVT-i five-door.
On the face of it you may ask why someone would want a car this shape unless they had a very tall family but what makes we humans different is that we like to be different. And the Urban Cruiser certainly is that.
And it ticks all the boxes in petrosexual survey land. It isn't quick and neither would you be with a 1.3-litre engine hefting 1100kg of kerb weight but it is very good on fuel and tax.
Therefore by owning one, a petrosexual is doing the right thing. It's a car not a manhood extension.
Well it is hardly likely to be, based as it is on the Yaris, not a car often tipped for the pulling premiership title. In fact it is so angelic it should be canonised. There are seven air bags to save Mr and Mrs Tall and the kids while the bonnet is pedestrian friendly on impact. Even the wiper bracket is designed to disintegrate on contact.
The majority of Urban cruisers are front wheel drive but for those wanting to drop down from a Rav4 there is an all-wheel drive option.
The cabin is bright and well finished with chrome highlights and modern must-haves like keyless entry, climate control and Bluetooth.
It is easy to drive in town but on longer trips the engine needs to be worked hard and this induces some bounce. However, there is little noise and handling is precise.
And if all this is attractive to older petrosexuals I have one thing to say. For goodness sake put some underpants on.
THE NUMBERS BIT
Engine: 1329cc, 99bhp
Transmission: Six-speed manual
Fuel: 51.4mpg
CO2: 129g/km
Acceleration: 0-62- 12.5sec
Top speed: 109mph
Price: £14,500 (2WD)
Tax: Band D (£120)