Fiat story with a sting in the tale

He was, nevertheless entertaining, bringing even a tour of dreary, overheated Pompeii alive.
Look, you need to know this because admission is not cheap. Someone has ruined it, I have seen better pavements in Liverpool. This is a real opportunity for a no-win no-fee legal practice. Although there is a lap dancing club dating back to 65AD there is no McDonalds and not single tribute to Frankie Howard. It may be better when the roads are finished.
To be Italian is to cock a snook at authority. As we passed a couple of policemen modelling tight pants, he explained why Carabinieri go around in twos: "One can read and one can write but they can never do both."
So they weren't hanging about because their Alfa Romeo was broken?
This was wrong. A joke about a donkey, the baker and his grandmother would have been more acceptable. Steaming Alfas at the roadside are not mechanical failures, they are enjoying rest periods or providing romantic opportunities. You can run off with an Italian's wife, he will after all return the favour, before rubbishing his cars.
Well Sr guide person, were you reading this, you would be convinced I was out not to praise the Grande Punto Abarth but to seduce it. See, not nice is it, big boy?
My first taste of Abarth tuning came with the 80s Strada, a car clearly designed by someone who had taken too much sun. Not only was it ugly as Mrs Mussolini, it has been built for excessive speed with one essential component forgotten. Brakes.
The Punto version is a thing of beauty inside and out. Crisply styled, cleverly liveried with twin tail pipes, Scorpion badges and side stripes, it even wears its tinted windows like Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses. It has also be fitted with twin-piston Brembo brakes
Out on the road 60mph comes up in a passable 7.8 seconds, considering this is a tweaked 16v 1.4-litre engine. The bonus is over 40mpg and 162g/km of death dust and a meagre £175 tax penalty.
However, it is not pace but handling that sets this three-door apart.The Abarth sits on stiff springs and R17 Zero Nero tyres and a quick tour of dilapidated British urban streets will bring with it a greater understanding of what haemorrhoid sufferers in pre-Vesuvius Italy endured. However, on more entertaining roads it has the grip of a Colosseum lion and the story gets better if you press the sport button to enjoy increased torque and the fullness of the electronic steering's feedback.
Back on the motorway, switch off sport and the Punto returns to civilisation with pleasures of the flesh dominated by almost perfect faux-suede sports seats. There is air-con and electric windows, a CD player but not a lot more. Extras include helmet holders. Nice. Still, not bad for £13,500.
A lot of thought has gone into 5-star NCAP safety, not least because at this price the Abarth is in range of inexperienecd younger drivers. Thus ESP is permanaently switched on.
A good judge of a car's cool is young boys. Unencumbered by family and mortgage responsibilities they see it for the driving alone. In the Abarth one leaned so far out of his dad's Focus to shout praise the dog had to hold him in.
Really, it is all about style. The Abarth is the only car I have seen that looks good in shades. Or likely to pinch my wife's bottom.