January 2009 Archives

Proof that politicians live in a world with a different gas atmosphere than the real one, comes in the use of the cliche 'green shoots of recovery.'
Look, at a time when many people are eyeing their children and wondering just how much they are worth up a rich man's chimney, only a hungry panda is intersted in something as pathetic as a green shoot.
What we want to hear about is a rotund, leafy beanstalk not the limp-wristed start of the snowdrop season.
Some businesses have suffered the icy blast of economic nuclear winter while others basked in sales of almost global warming proportions. Collectively this does not add up to recovery.
Zavvi, was, so far as I can see, always on a sticky wicket what with all this music downloading and the fact that the majority people under the age of 25 now appear to wear a hearing aid.
John Lewis, on the other hand, with its superior and attractive soft furnishings enjoyed a reasonable winter as have computer games retailers and home delivery pizza shops.
Clearly the recovery of UK PLC demands we all slip under cool Egyptian cotton bed linen with a copy of megadeath table tennis challenge and a 12 inch meat feast.
This week Fiat announced it finished four per cent up on last year, greatly assisted by an 19% improvement for Maserati and Ferrari revenues increased by 15%.
Suggesting that the filthy, stinking, sceptic rich are in some way immune to financial reality. Which they are not.
Lexus, as an example, had a poor 2008 with sales 33% down. Not the environment into which you want to introduce a high-spec, five-litre, far from timorous beastie costing
£50,000.
On the face of it the IS-F is as appropriate to current witchfinder general attitudes as morris dancing outside an undertaker's with its V8, 417bhp engine reaching 60mph in 4.8 seconds and pushing on to a top end of 168mph.
On the face of it then, you are not just an accomplice in planet murder but the sole suspect. That is were it not for a relatively impressive 25mpg.
Visually mature, the IS-F gives little hint of what lies beneath until you walk behind and see the four tail pipes which would not be out of place launching a rocket attack.
Inside is all land of gadgets and the leather shop as you would very reasonably demand for the money. If anything there is a touch of confusion with masses of switches, repeater controls and paddle shifts for the eight-speed gearbox, reinforcing its pedigree as an all-rounder rather than a bear-rough sports car.
Revved hard it makes all the right noises without sacrificing any smoothness. The IS-F is a very safe car, composed and technically boosted with vehicle dynamics management, pre-crash system that senses frontal impact, traction control, limited slip diff and suspension revisions.
Which in these difficult times is good news for Lexus dealers who would rather you walked back through door than ended your days upside down, amid the green shoots of a farmer's field.

Last week I pointed out that time to grab a used car bargain was running out .
What lies beneath is yet more evidence that this could be the correct temporal juncture to lash out your Chrisrtmas money on a set of pre-owned, or as we say in Lancashire, second hand, wheels.

Mah fellow Americans, or perhaps Englishmen everywhere. We wake today to a new roseate dawn of change, of hope and perhaps even intelligible spoken English on the world stage.
Or perhaps a light dusting of snow.

Some say life will never be the same again, others that your best investment is a shotgun and a two-man tent.
But one thing is certain, nothing is certain.
Take, as an example, diesel cars.

I love parking ticket outreach coordinators or whatever your council calls traffic wardens.
I love them in the same way I love taking out my own spleen with a wooden chip fork.

To paraphrase the question asked of Paul Daniels by Mrs Merton: 'What first attracted multi-billionaire Jamsedji Tata to the classic Jaguar and Land Rover marques?'
I seriously doubt he was nostalgic for Sid James calling for a spot of tiffin or Kenneth Williams simultaneously stereotyping sub-continental potentates and Graham Norton.
Even so, the Tatas have found themselves in a right bail-out carry on.
I mean, you'd have bought the business wouldn't you? I would, in the same way that I would a pair of Purdy shotguns rather a side by side pea shooter.
Obviously, because I have lived in Oceania for so long, I would have understood that although this represented a significant contribution to British job security, the ministry of Love would do its level best to tax my product off the agenda as a 'gas guzzler' and in so doing preserve the iconic status of the Foxes Glacier Mint wrapper.
Now it has come down to jobs and that means votes, so with no sense of irony, the same rag-bag Oliver's army of back benchers screaming polar bear murder are lining up to be associated with the remarks of the last speaker. The one who argued to save our car industry.
Jaguar-Land Rover is a national treasure. As English as crumpets and coming second.
It is rural and business Britain epitomised and while every farmer needs a Nissan or Toyota for important journeys, he must also own a Defender for taking his prettiest sheep to the dance.
And what is the point of being Mike Baldwin without the option to reward yourself with a Jag? An XF, for instance, specifically the 298bhp 4.2 V8 petrol for which you will pay a hefty sub-28mpg at the pumps and the highest level road tax in return for 6.2 seconds to 60 acceleration and a significant level of driving pleasure.
Some see the XF as a kill or cure car for Jaguar, visually it moves away from relentlessly retro looks into the land of sleek Germanic lines. Inside the XF also abandons the wood panelled tradition of the Conservative club. Press the starter button, yes you just knew it would have one, and the transmission selector rises from the centre console like Reginald Dixon's magnificent organ while air vents swivel into position. Welcome to the luxury car as a piece of contemporary theatre. Jaguar does Abba the ballet.
Obviously, having parted with £45k, you can expect the full inventory of essentials and toys as standard features including recycled cow upholstery.
Out then, to the open road where XK undergarments guarantee a ride without drama, steering with plenty of feeling and motorway cruising in the armchair category.
All XFs get the Thunderbirds are go gearbox complete with paddle shift.
Let's hope Jaguar weathers the storm. Especially now Lord Mantelpiece has joined the cast of Carry On Car Industry. Which, frankly, is about as reassuring as Barbara Windsor fronting a breast reduction campaign.

Right, now just in case you are sitting there thinking, what with virtually no interest on savings and little chance of affording a holiday this year, the time is coming to pick up a bargain used car, think again.
In 2008 the price of second hand smokers came down faster than a plunging investment banker but the trend is not likely to continue into 2009.

New year, new loony idea. Welcome to 2009, another groundhog annum.
As ever local authorities can be relied upon to deliver nuttiness above and beyond the average fruit cake.

Look at the shape of modern human kind.
Do you see obese ugliness or a population uniquely equipped to deal with a severe downturn in the economy?

The report into the collapse of MG Rover may never be published, it has been claimed.

The news comes amid speculation that its conclusions could be damaging to Prime Minister Gordon Brown, who was Chancellor when the company collapsed, and other senior ministers. MG Rover collapsed with the loss of 6,000 jobs.