Nothing gentle about the wind in the willows

Efforts are now being made to trace which of Britain's millions of ruminants is doing all the farting.
Actually that's not true. It's Daisy from Hereford. Pardon you.
These new figures are all the more damning because we are talking methane here, and that's worse than Co2. Of course Co2 is also given off.
In the past 250 years Co2 emissions have risen by 31% and methane by 149%.
Here are my proposals to counteract this threat to the world's climate, from both bovine and human alike, which may result in a new ice age or more films staring the pretty one from Broke Back Mountain:
Bungs. No, not you Mandelson.
A tax on parliamentary debate.
Vegetarianism to be punishable by death.
Special 'curry nappies', a type of post spicy food filter garment.
No talking during the news or Match of the Day.
Reduction of the national herd through free communal barbecues.
Real ale to carry a wind warning.
Now is the time for all responsible motorists to wear their car sticker with pride: Support Your Local Knackerman.