September 2008 Archives

Oop to Yoksher over the weekend to meet up with my colleagues from the Northern group of Motoring Writers.
It was a double booking, words of wisdom on saving money and the polar bears with a new eco tyre and at the other extreme enjoying the new VW Sirocco, not only bringing back fond memories of the original but also introducing a soothing warm wind to Warfdale.
More on the car some other time. First the tyres.

Big Brother is suggesting that doctors should be responsible for reporting 'unfit' drivers to the Ministry of Love so that they can be vaporised. Or at least their licences can.
Short of presenting with both your eyes poked out or some clear and present appalling affliction of the capabilities, a situation which probably precludes driving on a voluntary basis, I fail to see this as a very safe option.

We are conditioned to expect the end of the world to come from one of several accepted directions; nuclear conflagration, a giant asteroid, epidemic or bombs raining down while Vera Lynn belts out songs about ornithology
So no one would suspect the collapse of banking institutions like Lehmans while there were such interesting obliteration alternatives as the Yellowstone caldera and the Large Hadron cuckoo clock.
As an Armageddon, extinction by financial institutional stupidity ranks among the more imaginative.
Hardly surprising people are wondering if it is time to get their savings out of the building society and into something more certain. The 2-30pm at Kempton Park, for instance.
We are well on the way to the cheese-beard hippy dream of a society based on mead and strip farming.
Time to think value.
Kia insists its Sorento 4x4 is a premium SUV at a less than premium price. Well not quite. The interior finish is good job, as good as anything from the US or Europe but on the road the ride is harsh with more rock and roll than the Strictly Come Dancing jive section. Nice try, no six-figure bonus.
It is important you consider the Sorento for what it is and not as a great pretender, looking as it does, very much like a Lexus.
This is a rare bird. An off-roader designed more for the country than Waitrose. Well that's going to be Lidl now, anyway.
Grasp this nettle and you are looking at positives all the way. the 2.5 CRDi XS is punchy at 11.6 seconds to 60mph as well has having impressive pulling power. It will cope with conditions that would leave many of what pass for off-roaders being sick on their shoes.
The ladder chassis is a strong hint to Kia's intentions, as is the permanent, torque on demand 4x4 system on the XS models and above.
And it's big, as in very big with loads of leg room and plenty of boot space. And while it is at home in the wilderness, that's not what you get inside. There's a huge amount of standard equipment to which the XS adds full leather, folding mirrors, automatic lights
and front wiper de-icer.

Look, I now they have wives, kids and Yorkshire terriers like normal human beings but I will never have a scintilla of respect for the people who set out to become traffic wardens.
Sorry, parking attendants.

The M1 has been nominated by people who clearly do not understand the sentiment of the phrase 'Jesus is coming, look busy', as Britain's most boring road.
Just what exactly constitutes boring in a world where one momentary lapse of concentration can induce a severe upside down sensation and bleeding from the ears, heaven knows.

Hold the front and back pages, along with a centre spread - texting while driving at 70mph is dangerous. No! Surely some mistake.
Or rather shurely shome mishtake because it is even worse than driving around newted up on vodka and Red Bull, apparently.
.

The most interesting roads in Britain have been nominated. Forget the collapse of 21st century society and the world monetary system, this is the one that matters.
The Snake Pass is top tarmac. Not only can it recite the whole of Shakespeare backwards but the Snake is much in demand at dinner parties for its perfect rendition of the Parrot Sketch and abilities on the 12 string banjo.
Here is that world-saving list in full:
A57 Snake Pass, Sheffield to Glossop.
More bends than bad plumbing.
A537 'Cat & Fiddle road', Macclesfield to Buxton.
Hey diddle diddle play spot the speed camera as the cow jumps over the moon.
A18 'Mountain Section', Isle of Man.
No speed restrictions, update your will and fill your boots.
A4086 Pass of Llanberis Caernarfon to Capel Curig
Land of my fathers, beware suicide sheep.
A817 Loch Lomond to Garelochhead.
Beware devolution.
A87 Invergarry to Isle of Skye.
B3223 Dulverton to Lynton
Where?
B4100 Warwick to Banbury.
Cock horses being ridding in a dangerous manner.
A35 Lyndhurst to Christchurch.
Hello sailor signs abound.
A686 Penrith to Alston (north Pennines).
Alston is the highest market town in Britain. How interesting is that?

If today finds you trapped in the pitch denseness of a black hole event once known throughout the cosmos as Earth, here are a couple of points to ponder.
First, how ironic that Switzerland, a country where absolutely nothing has happened, ever, should be nominated to host the end of the world.
Secondly, you just knew life as a sub atomic particle was on the cards the moment scientists reassured us that the Large Hadron Collider would not cause the planet to eat itself from the bowels out or turn into a huge blow-up characteture of Dickie Davies.
And look at the name. What's wrong with Hadron Creator? Or Cheeky Atomic Cuckoo Clock?
Remember it was scientists who told us satellite navigation would make getting lost a thing of the past and yet this morning I woke to find a Spanish produce lorry halfway up my stairs, following GPS directions to Hull.
Frankly, you would be much better off looking at a field of cows, which tend to face north to align themselves with the earth's magnetic field, a legacy from ancient migrations out of Africa. As any son of the soil can tell you.
The average country bumpkin may not have access to a Pret a Manger sandwich, or even a post office, but they are not as green as they are cabbage looking.
Which is why Subaru has done so well in the rural market with its Legacy.
Not, you understand, that the company didn't tempt a visit from the muck spreader by resisting the addition of a diesel to the range for so long.
All, however is safely gathered in with both Sports Tourer and Outback estates given an oil burner. Not just any old diesel.
Subaru has taken the acclaimed but hardly fuel efficient boxer engine and remodelled it as a 2.0 litre turbo diesel. Arguably the smoothest diesel on the market.
Sure it rattles when cold but once up and running is utterly flawless, although a six-speed gearbox would have been nice.
More importantly in the world of fluctuating fat lamb prices, it is far from thirsty considering the size of both the Sports Tourer and Outback estates. The Tourer returned 49 mpg according to its onboard computer. Of course I believe it! And while we are not talking Impreza it's quick, reaching 60mph in 8.5 seconds.
Quirky Subarus may appear to some but they don't lack quality.The Sports Tourer is well finished well with a raft of equipment. The all wheel drive system constantly monitors the road surface and adjusts traction accordingly.
At £21,995 the Tourer R is cheaper and lighter than the Volvo V70 and with a sportier feel than VW's uber-Tutonic Passat estate, the continued long term popularity of the Legacy around Ambridge is easy to believe. Which is more than can be said for scientists or satellite navigation.

Monday is never a bad day. And any day is made worse if there is a story about the Scots getting let off the hook by paying less or indeed nothing at all for services we have to submit to a pants-down leg slapping to enjoy.
Now Jock O'Crankie and all the other residents of the Braveheart estate will not have to pay to park when visiting hospitals.
Oh goody, we won't then will we?
Er, not so fast. It's the same country but different.
According to a cast member of the Whitehall farce, 'Shove it up the voters, Minister, we will still have to pay an arm and a leg to get our boils lanced or visit sick relatives because cutting out parking charges is 'contrary to the Government's climate change objectives'
I presume there is a different climate in Scotland, one not so susceptible to change. If that's the case I suggest they pack all the bloody polar bears off to Glasgow.
Climate change is the great Emperors clothes, catch all excuse of the century. Dog sick on the carpet? Climate change. House repossessed? Climate change. Sorry, we just nuked Iran, to offset the effects of climate change.
After the style of a Blackpool holiday novelty, You don't have to be mad to live here, but it helps.

Just catching with some of the motor industry news and raising my blood pressure to new heights.Land Rover is cutting shifts and production until Christmas because sales are down.