Recently one of the extra from the Bounty hunters advert blamed waterlogging on the island of Tuvalu, in the Gilbert and Ellice Islands on western 4x4s.

As things turn out, the Gilbert and Sullivan system is most likely a victim of poor volcanic foundations.
Soon after the EU published its directive for the next round of carbon quota swapping; Norway will be allowed 20 more salmon smokers if Spain can have its cod quota. In the UK all rotary clothes lines are to be attached to the national grid.
In this spirit I thought it might be nice to mention the UK Automotive Sector Sustainability Report showing a reduction in overall CO2 emissions of 30 per cent and CO2 per vehicle produced in the UK, down by 41.7 per cent in five years.
Out there are any number of hybrids and tiny petrol city cars. Even if some turn out to be not so green as they are cabbage looking.
However, there are still people who would rather not drive around in the Duracell bunny or a funky little hip-hop hatchback with all the legroom of a tumble dryer.
Enter the Jaguar XJ 2.7TDVi, the greenest luxury car on the market without paying £80,000 for a Lexus 600Rh.
In a special test an XJ diesel covered 1000 miles on a single tank of fuel, that’s 53.3mpg with emissions of 139gsm.
Not, of course if you push the 2.7-litre, 204 bhp, six-speed auto TDVi enthusiastically to explore the car’s 8 second 0-60 time. But that still returns 35mpg.
This is the smoothest most refined diesel you will drive. Add it to the Sovereign spec and the XJ becomes an outstanding luxury car.
It’s as big as a Prescott and if the Department for Bulimia is still handing out Jags to ministers, this would be a sensible way to spend £51,500 of taxpayers’ money. Normally rear wheel drive means some cramping for back seat passengers, in the XJ you just don’t notice, cruising up the motorway on a huge, automotive bean bag.
All this size distorts spacial awareness so Jaguar fits all manner of proximity warnings- even one that reacts to heavy braking in front and fast approach behind. This flashes up the suggestion ‘driver intervention’. In the American market this may send out the wrong message.
Now, you would not ski off the back of the QM2, so I doubt anyone not in Special Branch is going to sling an XJ around the countryside. They should, it handles well.
Inside all is leather and good old fashioned analogue timepieces. Every conceivable driver aid and luxury item comes as standard. A TV costs £4,465 and sun roof a grand.
Complaints? Well there’s been some ungentlemanly uglification of the front end and an XJ’s boot is never deep enough.
Fat cat luxury is not for eveyone. What many people want is to avoid any spanking new car taxes. With that in mind the cruise liner XJ’s 214g per nautical mile certainly does it for me.
Next stop, Christmas Island.

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