IN the film Below the Planet of the Apes, Charlton Heston muses over how a society could be dominated by creatures as primitive and uncouth as monkey-kind.
Obviously there’s all that jumping about and screeching. And holding the tea cup in an impolite manner. There is certainly no place in parliamentary debate for the throwing of rotten fruit or picking the fleas out of the coat of the Honourable Member for Chester Zoo.

But before we get carried away with the superiority of homo sapiens have you noticed, when men beat their Neanderthal petrolhead breasts - and an increasing number do have breast - very few can progress beyond three letters? It’s all bhp, Nm, GTi, ESP and GTi.
There are a very few recorded cases where six letters have been achieved. Usually WRX STi.
The basic Impreza WRX is a rather civilised way to own a relatively quick car. And there is nothing unrefined about the STi. Over a second faster it may be but that does not mean you are compelled to spend large spells upside down in trees waiting for the paramedics.
Under the skin there are suspension revisions that reduce weight, improved steering - oh yes, it’s like a Greek olive oil rub down - and better damping to reduce kick-back on bad surfaces.
Then there is DCCD or driver control centre differential. See how Subaru is pushing back the frontiers of acronyms?
Essentially this allows the balance of the four wheel drive system between front and back wheels to be selected. It is controlled from a small panel between the seats which also sets different throttle responses and turns the traction control on and off. It also controls yaw, the embryonic stage of what scientists call a crash.
Enjoying the thrills of a track day, this is the greyhound’s bits, but, most of the time, I suspect it will be nothing more than a talking point for men with a bad spanner habit.
The 2.5-litre turbocharged 296bhp STi costs £25,000, which is cheap. In fact £1,600 cheaper than the old model.
Controversy rages, well okay there’s some muttering, about the latest Impreza’s looks. Twice the STi was likened to a Focus, once to a Mazda. This is either fair comment or not enough people are going to Specsavers.
Inside all is reasonably muted with the exception of the compulsory pink STi badge. Love it. I’ll wear pink because I think I’m hard enough.The front seats are better than your lounge furniture.
Top speed is 155mph, sprinting to 60mph 4.8 seconds. Torque peaks at 300lb/ft. Consumption? You are looking at the wrong car if you have to ask, but about 27mpg, and CO2 is at 243g/km.
If you don’t enjoy the seamless, easygoing nature of the STi’s handling and performance, the stability of its point-and-squirt acceleration, perhaps a rail pass would be an idea.
The new-age Impreza is a much more predictable, if still cheeky, monkey.
Fiddle between the seats and it becomes a hooligan baboon, likely to swing in from tree to tree, goosing your wife before making off with the nuts and berries.

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