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Steve Orme

Trinity Mirror Regionals Driving Force columnist STEVE ORME gives his take on everything from the car with the biggest cup holders (Ford Edge, 20oz) to congestion charges and how your money is spent getting toads safely across the road. It's motoring but not as you know it ...

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December 2007 Archives

May old acquaintance be forgot, but not last year's cars

Posted by Steve Orme on December 31, 2007 12:12 PM

Time to look back on a years sampling and single out the high points of testing before the low point of indigestion.
Family cars are the bread and butter of the motor industry. Er, the trouble is that some of them are a bit crusty, lacking in any real appeal or personality. Here then are a couple with jam filling.
Ford’s Mondeo is four-star accommodation where a room at the YMCA might be excused. A great range well priced. Fantastic news for future taxi passengers.
However, nothing has delighted as much as the Saab bio-power. faster than the petrol version it proves alternatives work. Pass my rainbow scarf, mother.
Supermini competition is always cutthroat, marketing is everything. Remember that Fabia cake advert? Skoda wanted to cut the sponge up and send it out as a promotion but the idea was spiked by the thought police because it had stood under hot studio lights.
That didn’t stop the Fabia being praised for good value, typical VW build quality, excellent styling and a tasty buttercream filling. Simply a splendid little car.
Oh, if you fancied something a little more adventurous the Roomster proved itself to be a great alternative car, full of good ideas and a positive boon to people in tall hats.
Sports cars come in all shapes and sizes, just like humans, which is why I can’t decide if the Daihatsu Copen was the biggest act of self deprecation I have ever executed or simply the most fully clothed fun all year. Finished after the style of Lesley Phillips, the latest version dispenses with a tiny turbo-charged engine in favour of a 1300cc unit. It is cute, interesting, leather trimmed and quick without being all mad as ......, for just £11,000. Daihatsu insists it is not cramped. It is. In my local they proposed a charity event where people would pay £1 to watch me get in and out of it. Priceless.
Hot hatches are very much back on the menu these days despite insurance premiums that would bring down a bank. The Corsa VXR (6.5secs to 60mph) made me popular with young men, not always a good thing. Seat’s latest 1.8 Ibiza Cupra (7.3 to 60mph) is still as exciting as sky surfing and the 1.6 litre Suzuki Swift sport (8.5 to 60mph). In the end I was left in tears of joy by the Peugeot 207 GTi.The Nuttall's Minto of hotties. Original and best.
People Carriers are also called MPVs and sometimes, rudely, vans with windows. This year In didn’t drive a single one. This has made me very happy.
Cabriolets are exceptionally popular in the UK. Why? In a year that was wetter than Noah’s boatyard the emphasis was on how fast you could get the roof up. Winner was the Mazda MX5 Roadster. Just the job, a good drop head with character, a bit of boot and reasonable performance at £18,500 for the 1.8 litre. Girls only need apply.
Talk about he who laughs last, 4x4 manufacturers must be in stitches. All year off-roaders have been attacked as ecological heresy, Satan’s hoodies. And guess what? Despite inquisition, tax flagellation and even trial by Liberal Democrat the market grew.
This was the year of the crossover. At one point I considered switching the lights off in case they were attracting them. Peugeot and Citroen teamed up with Mitsubishi to produce the 4007/Outlander/ C Crosser, Nissan launched the Quasqui which was marketed as a skateboard, interesting. GM introduced the common-origin Antara and Captiva. Oh and there were more, many more.
Of those I drove my vote goes to the Citroen. Well finished, a bit pricey for a Citroen but well rounded and able off road.
However, sorry lads. I’m wired up a bit like a gas clock so my best 4x4 drive was an Isuzu Rodeo pick-up.
Happy new hangover.

In the deep mid winter car theft is hot news

Posted by Steve Orme on December 20, 2007 10:15 AM

In darkest Lancashire PC World is doing duty to the Queen by patrolling streets at 7am and switching off cars left ‘steaming’ as Chummy calls it.
This, for the innocents among you, is the practice of defrosting the car by starting its engine before retreating indoors for a bowl of Shreddies. Insomniac thieves take advantage of this and make off with the car. Don’t do it!
17 sets of keys were returned to breakfasting owners in one leafy village.
I, meanwhile, have enjoyed sitting in my current car, an Audi A5, listening to Wogan and benefiting from heated seats while the windscreen thaws.
As the Beatles didn’t sing, happiness is a warm bum.

A car for Islam

Posted by Steve Orme on December 18, 2007 10:28 AM

Important statement: This is NOT a joke. There will be no references to teddy bears, no teachers are to be arrested no offence to be taken.
In 2011 a joint production Islamic car will be launched.
No, it will.
A statement issued in Tehran reveals that Turkey, Malaysia and Iran will build a car said to adopt modern technologies and reach world standard. It will have what are described as Islamic features which will be unbolted for some markets.
And these features are ? Well one is a compass to determine the direction of Mecca.
Oh dear, the car has not even left the drawing board and it already has the naffest accessory of all time.

Volvo C30 road test

Posted by Steve Orme on December 14, 2007 12:36 PM

The Christian festival of Argos is the time we are likely to feel our age.
Parties become sitting down social events. Dancing a distant memory of Barry White and platform soles. Now it’s absent minded mouthing of the words to I’m Every Woman and one of Nigella’s special recipe vol-au-vents.
Oh, and you haven’t a clue who or what the Mighty Boosh is.
Sadly with age, cars come to be appreciated as ‘sensible’ and ‘practical’.
Models that were once avoided like a morning church service become attractive for thire comfortable seats and all the passive safety features of a warm bosom.
Lord knows how it happens but one night you go to bed wanting to drive like Sebastien Loeb and next day wake up a senior accountant with Deloitte Touche Tohmatsu.
What really gives the ageing game away is one simple phrase: ‘I remember when...’
Bringing us geriatrically to the Volvo C30.
There will be many who remember when Volvo last had a dabble in the sports coupe hatch market. At a time when most of its design cues were taken from house bricks the 480 was modelled on a wedge of cartoon cheese.
It was, however, popular with younger drivers, professionals mainly and that is the aim of the C30, to take sales from the BMW 1 Series and the Audi A3.
Firstly, full respect to the man with the pencil who has elk sausage sandwiches for lunch. Although the C30 is essentially an S40 with 22cm lopped off it is a drawing board triumph. A compact three-door hatchback with an airy cabin.
It also has looks, right down to an effective all glass tailgate that was a big feature of the ill-starred 480 cheesy wotsit.
If there is one area of disappointment it is the arthouse but Spartan fascia with its dearth of instrumentation.
Built not in Sweden but Ghent, Belgium, the stage could have been set for something less exciting than half day closing. The C30, however, is satisfying on the road, the first affordable Volvo for a long time that captures the heart as well is being Captain Sensible.
Being driven was the good-as-gold 1.8 FlexiFuel which runs on petrol and bioethanol and costs £17,800 for the SE trim.It is hardly what you would call fast with a top speed of 124mph and a leisurely 0-60 stroll of 10.8 seconds.
Standard equipment leans towards safety with creature comforts limited more or less to a radio, electric windows and cruise control.
Of course, more importantly at my age, the seats are very nice and the biggest danger in a crash is waking up in the middle of a balloon dance.
So, if your knees still serve any useful function try the C30. From a more mature perspective I see the less than busy fascia as having plenty of room for a blue badge.

An Audi R8 for fifty quid

Posted by Steve Orme on December 14, 2007 10:09 AM

You don’t have to be excessively extravagant to give a little piece of Vorsprung durch Technik this Christmas. This R8 sports car, configured specifically with stockings in mind, has been designed to make a reassuringly modest dent in the festive budget – at £45 it represents a saving of exactly £78,150 over the standard R8.

The rare and highly sought-after Audi sports car of the moment has been immortalised in zinc in 1:18 scale, enabling its fans to bypass the current twelve month waiting list for a full-size example and park one on the mantelpiece almost immediately.

The meticulously finished model is faithful to the much admired design of the full-blown original right down to the detailing of its windscreen wipers. 750 examples of its all-aluminium, mid-engined and quattro-equipped big brother will find homes in the UK in 2008, thrilling their drivers with a mighty 420PS output, 4.6-second acceleration from rest to 62mph and, for those lucky enough to be visiting an Autobahn next year, a 187mph top speed.

The diminutive R8 is now available from Audi Centres nationwide, details of which can be obtained by calling Audi Customer Services on 0800 699888 or by visiting www.audi.co.uk and clicking on ‘Find Centre’.

Rabbt, rabbit... and I don't mean Chas and Dave

Posted by Steve Orme on December 11, 2007 11:23 AM

And you thought the height of in-car satisfaction was picking your nose at traffic lights. Now it turns out the woman, well man too, I suppose in these enlightened times, in the next car may not be smiling at the Jonathon Woss wadio show. Actually they almost certainly won’t be smiling at that pile of over-priced tripe.
No, it’s time to introduce the Ann Summers Travel Rabbit (£15).
I quote, mainly because I can’t trust myself: “First off we gave you the Igasm, a vibrator that works to the beat of your ipod, now we give you the pocket sized rabbit that plugs into your car … but be warned, don’t use it while you are driving, when we say it’s our most powerful Rabbit yet, we weren’t joking!
“This rabbit is no ordinary rabbit, it has extra long ears for extra special stimulation, it adorns the trademark and exclusive to Ann Summers candy pink colour, and most importantly it fits most makes of cars cigarette lighters or in-car mobile phone charger sockets. Just remove the cigarette lighter before inserting it.�
That last sentence, is it just me?

Alistair Darling an apology -for a Chancellor

Posted by Steve Orme on December 9, 2007 12:12 PM

Grinning goon Chancellor Alistair Darling was pictured on Thursday flanked by a pantomime magician and a fairy. Perhaps between the two of them they could make this clown disappear before he has chance to think up any exciting new taxation strategies for motorists.

Road test- Peugeot 308 A brief history of time

Posted by Steve Orme on December 8, 2007 11:55 AM


What makes Dr Who the best science fiction drama in the cosmos is the human animal’s fascination with time travel.
We are far more intrigued by the idea of flitting back and forth in history than we are interested in Russell Brand look-alikes beaming down as Patrick Stewart baldly goes about his business.
A word though, of caution. Be careful what you wish for.

Imagine a world where time has been mastered and you can pop backwards and forwards along the timeline.

Imagine discovering that you are not down to die in your sleep the same as grandfather but screaming in terror like his passengers.

Worst of all you could land in 1975, the owner of an Austin Princess, or a Triumph Dolomite. Cars of the 70s were doubly cursed. While they weighed as much as Venezuela they had the interior dimensions of a sheep.

This, I like to think, was because designers and engineers had no time to think. They came into work on Monday tasked with the need to get a new model off the drawing board and into production before the workforce went on strike after lunch.

Fast forward to today and it would be easy to believe the past was a parallel universe. Well go on, can you remember when you last wound up a window manually?

Peugeot’s new 308, for instance, is as far removed from anything it has previously offered in the family hatchback sector as the Sea of Tranquility is from Bognor Regis.

That includes the soulless 307, a car for people who just wanted, well, a car really and didn’t much care for driving, either.

There is no point in claiming a Tardis-like spatial miracle for the 308. It is roomy but it is also bigger than the 307. The extra length is well used in an airy cabin with soft touch mouldings and elegant, slightly retro dials.

The 308 is not a looker. That’s because it shares many of the basic lines of the 307. But please, be patient.
Be patient because this is a gem of a car. Comfortable, stylish and exceptionally well put together.
So how does it drive? Well the £16,895 1.6 SE, yes that’s a paltry 1600cc, will reach 62mph in 8.8 seconds. I don’t know about you, but that's very reasonable in my book.
Maximum speed is 133mph and the 1.6 handles rather well although this is hardly where you go in the market to loosen your fillings.
Leather interior, sat nav, media centre, alloys and front and rear parking sensors are all extra but the standard list of safety and electronic gear is good.
If you are in the market for a family hatch the 308 should be on your shortlist along with the Golf and Ford Focus. It is a quality item and If you don’t find the 308 friendly, easy going and enjoyable then I am a Dalek.
308


Princess Diana - a statement

Posted by Steve Orme on December 7, 2007 11:53 AM

I’ll tell you what I’m sick of. Reading about what romantic disposition Princess Diana of Mine Fields and Dodie Fayed may or may not have had towards each other at the time of their violent and untimely deaths.
Look, he was out shopping for a ring. They do make other types than engagement ones you know.
Doctors have confirmed she was not pregnant.
Anyway, so what? I have never heard of a case where the early stages of pregnancy have made a car career into the wall of a French tunnel.
What should be focussed on is the dangers of drinking vast amounts of wine before driving at high speed and how unstable heavy armour plating can make a limo.
Now can we just put this woman’s tragic death back in the box? Or rather leave it there.

Do as I say...A view from behind George Orwell

Posted by Steve Orme on December 6, 2007 11:11 AM

Anyone who has read my newspaper column knows my view that Orwell’s Animal Farm and Nineteen Eighty Four should be permanent fixtures on the school curriculum. Perhaps they could replace Why We Must Apologise For Slavery and Killing Foxes Is So Naughty.
Here are the last two paragraphs of Animal Farm:

‘But they had not gone twenty yards when they stopped short. An uproar of voices was coming from the farmhouse. They rushed back and looked through the window again. Yes, a violent quarrel was in progress. There were shoutings, bangings on the table, sharp suspicious glances, furious denials. The source of the trouble appeared to be that Napoleon and Mr. Pilkington had each played an ace of spades simultaneously.
Twelve voices were shouting in anger, and they were all alike. No question, now, what had happened to the faces of the pigs. The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.’

This week the Chief Constable of North Wales prosecuted the Chief Constable of South Yorkshire for speeding at close to 90mph in a 60mph zone. The latter was banned for seven weeks.
Meredydd Hughes, the chief constable of South Yorkshire, apologised after being caught on camera on the A5 at Chirk near Wrexham in May.
He was chairman of roads policing at Acpo.
He was disqualified for 42 days and fined £350 by Wrexham magistrates.

As Orwell said, in the end you couldn’t tell which was which.

New Subaru Impreza WRX STI - yee ha!

Posted by Steve Orme on December 3, 2007 9:34 AM

Some facts and figures the weird beards and leaf eaters would rather not see.
The Subaru Impreza WRX STI has a 2.5-litre Boxer engine and hits 60mph in 4.8 seconds. It will top 155mph.
It has three different engine response settings. They are called Oh yes, yee ha and arrrrgh whee yesssy yesssy.
It goes on show in Britain for the first time in January at the Autosport International Show at the NEC.
The two best bits of news are that the STI is £25,000 on the road - £1,600 less than the old model.
And there will be a Prodrive-tuned version later next year.
Pass it on and annoy a vegetableist.

This page contains an archive of all entries posted to Driving Passion in the December 2007. They are listed from oldest to newest.

November 2007 is the previous archive.January 2008 is the next archive.

Many more can be found on the home page or by looking through the archives.