To be born Italian and male is a full house in the bingo of life. To be born a petrol head and Italian is to win the national Friday night jackpot.
Italy’s love affair with the car is as torrid as ever. Here flat earthists stand about as much chance as a one-legged Christian in a Colosseum home game.
Any country where the police drive Alfa Romeos gets my vote.The Carabinieri has also turned to Land Rover products as four-wheel drive of choice. Which may anoint the Defender as the new Gianfranco Ferre of off roading. Personally, I will always think of it as Fred Dibnah.
Driving in Rome is for the brave. Crossing the road on foot is for the most brave.
Roman streets are a crazy as demolition derby day at the Circus Maximus, a perpetual race for pole position at the next set of lights, a frenetic contradiction - high speed gridlock.
The important thing is what chariots the modern Romans have chosen to race. Essentially they are small ones, specifically they are Smart cars.
Look, I know there are people in Jimmy Choo shoes and London estate agents driving ForTwos in the UK but honestly I have always wondered just where enough of these are sold cars to make production worthwhile. Now I know.
I give you the Smart ForTwo. Prago.
There have been rumours the DaimlerChrysler was about to axe Smart altogether after the ForFour and Roadster models failed to attract sales. The arrival of a brand new ForTwo in September seems to have scotched this one.
Fudamentally the concept remains the same, a fashionable city car for people in size eight and below. A car that can be labled cool, a car that had to be fitted to me like a suit of armour.
In fact the latest version has grown fractionally to give a little more cabin space, which translates into acceptable luggage capacity, bearing in mind you are only going to the shops.
Now, I‘m sure those of you familliar with Smart cars are expecting to read that the instrument layout has been modelled on a squid. But not so. If you think the inside of a Mini is clever you’ll like this one.
Right, let’s hit the road. Or rather let’s not hit anything. There is a clear sense of intimiation in some circumstances and you soon learn to drive defensivley and decisively. Performance is not relevant given the car’s home turf, a reasonable level of torque is.
As for ride quality, well it won’t ruffle your hair but road surfaces in Rome are not as smooth as the lounge lizards who drive on them.
As any Italian chap will tell you, style costs. The ForTwo is no exception coming in at almost £7,000 for the base 61bhp Mitsubishi engined model in a segment that has the Citroen C1-Peugeot 107 at £6,700 and what will be a similarly priced and oh-so-cute Fiat 500 joining it next year. On the other hand it will do 60mpg.
However, for now when in Rome join the fun. That’s parking at right angles on pedestrian crossings and bringing down the government twice a year.

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