At the end of the last century, Mercedes said it had a cunning plan to build a car for everyone.
Obviously not all the people in France, Germany, the Mafia and even parts of Todmordon. There was no intention to have 6.4 billion models listed in What Mercedes?
This policy could well have ultimately led to the recent postal strike.
Let me explain.
When Mercedes announced a car for all, someone at Audi took things personally.
So it, too set out to have a coat of many colours.
Which must really annoy my postman who most weeks has to deliver a press pack announcing that the Audi A4 Brian of Clematis Grove has been launched for a man in Chelmsford or that there is soon to be an A2 for a lady called Janice who shops at Waitrose.
I am sure that when the opportunity presented itself for quality time on picket duty he browsed Audi’s immediate launch plans and voted yes.
Currently I am reading a hefty tome on the A3 that was delivered by navy helicopter. It accompanies a 1.8 TFS Sport and tells me that the additional kit list is as long as the Amazon.
Standard spec includes designer alloy wheels, fabric front seats that adjust every which way, electric windows and mirrors, lots of airbags, ABS, EBD, ASR and EDL.There is central locking, crash active head restraints and many other things you have a right to demand for £17,295. This car also has leather heated seats, an iPod console and phone, among other extras that push the price to £22,905. A figure known locally as reasonable.
The story, however, need not stop there. You can turn your chosen version into the Audi A3 Dave From Accounts Mk1 by opting to change everything from the steering to adding a mini bar.
The list is almost endless. But not quite or you would never get it out on the road. Which would be a shame.
Powered by the new T engine the six speed manual 1.8 is quick at eight seconds to 60mph but not fast. It is economical at 40mpg. And so it should be for what is essentially a posh family hatchback.
There seems little point in discussing the interior because it’s an Audi and, under German purity laws, is as correct and well finished as a Prussian dress uniform.
There are those who would have you belive that Audi fabricates its suspensions from boulders. Which suggests I might have a particularly resiliant bottom because at no time did I fear my mouth would fall out.
Which may go some way to explaining slightly stodgy handling.
The A3 1.8T is what I would expect from a company I consider makes the most beautfully engineered cars in the world, an executive precision trinket. Stick that in a letter and post it.

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