A scorchio weekend, Borat leotards and fresh white blubber rolls all over.
And nose to tail on the roads.
I will never understand what comes over people who spend all week in traffic or worse still panting like a sick dog on trains that would shame a tenko sweatbox and then do the same thing all over again it the weather gets half decent. Is it really that important to have sand in your egg salad?
Clearly the urge for open spaces is too strong to resist. So here are some handy hints for those who feel the need to visit the beach or the countryside. Especially the countryside near me.
First the beach. In 90 per cent of cases the best sunblock you can use is a large hessian sack. The average British swimsuit wearer would only make a centrefold in Exchange and Mart.
In Britain we are fortunate enough to have no roaming wild animals like lions and tigers that need to be scared away. Therefore it is pointless driving around with your sub-woofa hanging out of your graphic equaliser and the volume at mach 3.
Unless you want to attract a really angry bear.
Me.
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