Today I took my life boldly in both hands and came to work on the train.
Why? Test car trouble.
The way test car booking works is quite simple and dependent on both parties keeping a record of the arrangement.
So, for instance, I ring a manufacturers press office, let’s say Vauxhall and ask to drive a mad as rice Corsa VXR. We agree on a suitable date and the press office makes a computer log of the arrangement while I scribble something in my diary.
Ah, yes. Then I forget to read the entry properly and no Corsa arrives on the appointed day. That’s because the word ‘confirm’ was clearly written down. Vauxhall were still finalising the press fleet when I booked and could only give provisional access. My fault not the press office.
So I commend to you Ms Veronica Borrelli who, on a day of madness for the press staff after the new Astra was announced as an Ellesmere Port product, rummaged around in her fleet and managed to send me a Saab just one day late.
Hence pain on the train. The morning murder express. Sentenced to public transportation. Death by cattle truck.
Public transport is big on two things, crazy pricing policy and signs.
It is cheaper to buy a return ticket than a single even if you are going one way.
Around my way they even have cheap evening returns but no cheap singles. Listen up Fat Controller, it is quite reasonable for a person not to be returning the same day, you know.
Maddest mad thing is the policy of charging more at peak times to encourage travel off peak. Try telling your boss you want a change of hours because the train is too expensive. Go on, I dare you.
Signs abound on trains. Keep your feet off the staff. No smiling.You may incur a penalty are if you do not buy a ticket before you are born. Do not clean soot off the window. Actually that was a favourite bit of vandalism from the seventies, the sign really read ‘do not lean out of the window.’ Daring times.
Roads have signs, of course and these can be a source of entrainment, amusement and edification.
In China 6,500 road signs are being corrected after misinterpretation to English.
Ethnic Minorities Park was translated as Racist Park and a sign leading to the Eternal Palace reads: ‘Take notice of safe - the slippery are very crafty.’
They should have that one at the Department for Transport. It makes about as much sense as current policy and is a fair warning of political veracity.
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