A short time ago one of my colleagues announced that he had heard we were to get more snow. This caused something of an over-reaction and I will continue to write this until the paramedics have finished.

I honestly think most people would currently rather see Amy Winehouse in charge of the NHS than face more snow.

We live in a time of extremes. Starting with the deepest recession since Christ threw out the money lenders, through the coldest winter since cold began and now into what may well be a car recall bigger than the one that killed the dinosaurs.

Today Toyota put a price on the problem. $2billion. Shares in Toyota have lost as much as

You know how it is, you and the team have been working flat out to produce a product to deadline and to perfection.
We have all been there. We all recognise the pitfalls.
Sometimes the obvious is overlooked. Blimey even one of my own newspapers hit the streets last month with the immortal headline: Man slashed in pub.
Whatever next, woman caught short in Tesco?
Names; there is an area that can break the fragile crystal of an important model unveiling moment.
So is it is with all the correct sentiments and a dollop of British toilet humour that I give you: Renault UK Press - Renault to unveil Wind at Geneva

That I must see.

I don't smoke. I did but I don't now. Neither when I gave up did I experience any evangelical vision of clean lung Zion where the bounty of the Lord is laid before those who have seen the light. Or, rather, stopped seeing the lighter.

There are few more annoying creatures that crawl out of humanity's stinking swamp of health hysteria than the born again deep breather. Those who bore the stain and now are clean of finger.

Imagine the scene, you have no lifelines left and it is this question for 20 million rupees: "Who made the teas on the last day of the 1954 test against England and was it brown or white bread"?

More on yesterday's story from Taggart county.

The officer who handed Mr Mancini a fixed penalty notice, with three bonus points attached, was the same flat head who fined a chap for littering when he accidentally dropped a tenner.

What a beguiling and wonderful land we live in. Michael Mancini, 39, is up before the Sheriff for refusing to pay a fixed penalty notice administered by Strathclyde police (motto: there's bin a murdah).
A report has been sent to the local 'fiscal demanding action against the woeful Mancini.
His crime? Willfully and knowingly within sight of the po-lice blowing his nose at the wheel of a vehicle contrary to section two of the Culloden and McBeth act 1476.
Well it certainly can't be found in the Road Traffic Act. Even under the part that demands we be in control of our vehicles, which is what McPlod wrote on the ticket. Not considering the poor man's handbrake was on at the time.
Any more madness? Yes, it took four Taggarts to detect this heinous crime.
What was that film with Billy Connolly and the dog? Oh yes, Deacon Brodie, Scottish law at its best. Only in real time they would have hanged the dog, too.
I reckon there are locker room sweeps taking place across the land, a shiny sovereign to the rozzer who can come up with the most outlandish reason for booking a motorist.
We have been through the eating crisps at the wheel, grievous bodily swigging at traffic lights and unlawful possession of a Kit-Kat with intent to supply.
It is only a matter of time before someone picking their nose is charged with reversing up a one way orifice.
Or a back seat conception is investigated as failure to report an accident.
Any chance of a few actions being brought for failure to engage brain while in possession of a driving licence?
Let's leave the last word with Mr Mancini who runs a furniture restoration business in Ayr: "I needed to blow my nose so I put my handbrake on and took the car out of gear.
I noticed four police officers, but I didn't think anything of it. Then one of them waved me over.
"I was stunned when he said I was getting a fixed penalty notice for not being in control of my car. I'm really angry. I made sure it was safe to blow my nose."
Brings a whole new meaning to congestion charging.

I suspect we have arrived at that time of the new year when the mound of discarded presents grows in the corner ready to be topped off with this year's failed diet.

This pile will not include the African goat present. The one given to you by Clarissa who thought it would be frightfully proper to sponsor a cloven-hooved walking lunch which you will never clap eyes on and certainly will no receive a birthday card from.

Speaking as someone whose last motoring offence, for sheep worrying in Cumbria, is spent, I can assure you there is no bitterness or unreasoned reactionary vitriol in what I am about to say.

However, generally speaking, those who come up with exciting new ways to make our roads safer are in the category Clive Anderson versus the Bee Gees.

Memo to Nissan Press Office - fill your boots.

Never mind the remote prospect that we may all have to watch our pet dogs drown as climate change and those naughty 4x4s raise sea levels to within inches of the top of Everest, having a life now can seem much more attractive.